Keeping Promises || Tobias & Dahlia
Ever since that evening, Tobias hadn’t been able to forget what had happened. It was almost always on his mind, and the only thing he could remember lately. He’d forget if he had attended therapy for the day, or taken his medication.. he’d even forgotten talking with familiar faces in the hallway, but Dahlia’s suicide attempt wouldn’t leave his mind at all. The only things he wanted to forget, he couldn’t. Every detail of the night would revisit his thoughts, playing over and over — especially the promise he made to go see her. Although he wasn’t the best at keeping his promises, this one he intended to keep. They hadn’t been willing to let Tobias into the Infirmary when he tried, and he tried often; sometimes more than once a day. He even made a visit to her room, which was empty besides her stuff that sat untouched. He needed to see her, no matter of where they stood anymore. Together or not.
He crept his way through the hallway, to make another round trip up to her room. He couldn’t leave it alone. Standing in front of the door, all he could do was hope that this time his knocks would be answered. His knuckles wrapped at the wood three times, and he stood there waiting and hoping that she was inside.
Dahlia woke up in her room again, the least she hoped to do was waking up again, after everything that’s happened. At first she was angry, angry at evreryone and eveything, but when she calmed herself down it was scary how quiet she got, just looking at everyone hoping they would go away. She would only shake her head no when they talked to her, looking out the window and trying not to cry, she didn’t feel like she could after what happened, at least not being in front of someone. Only when she was alone, and it wasn’t the same, she cried quietly. Only Lisa knew how to make her talk, and even so, she would only shrug and spit monosyllabic responses. Lisa couldn’t stand witness her change, she was torn by it, but she always tried to make her smile, and Dahlia did, but only to make Lisa go away, to make her happy, or at least to stop her from worrying too much. All she could think of, was that night, and the little she could remember, which was hardly nothing. Only that Tobi was there, she remembered when she was being taken to the infirmary, the look on Tobi’s face and that she was trying to get away from the nurses. Everytime she remembered about it, she would close her eyes tightly trying to push it away.
Today was no different. All she wanted was Tobias to stay away, she fear of that moment, when she had to see him again. But deep down inside, she knew that if he didn’t show, then it would all be a big dissapointment, and she would have to follow her own steps, gathering up the pieces of her broken heart, not only because he did what he did, but because she let him too. Not only because she was still alive, but because she tried to kill herself, again, in the first place. She was too tired to get up, but too bored to stay in bed.
Her mom came by, she was worried about her little girl. Dahlia cried very hard when she saw her, she wanted to be taken home, but her mother couldn’t do anything about it. Even though she wanted to take her home, she knew that she was better off in suicide watch. At least until the end of the month, she would have to stay in.
Dahlia sighed, her back was starting to hurt, and the room got a lot more cold, she closed her eyes and there it was again, her screams, her hand brushing against her mouth, Tobias looking at her, watching her leave, she shook the blurry memories away and sat up rubbing her hands over her face “Stop…” she whispered and complained, when she heard the knocking. She frowned, she didn’t want to answer, it couldn’t be Lisa. “Yes?” she said, maybe it was her doctor again with a bunch of questions and a pitiful smile, but maybe… just maybe, it was him.
Dahlia’s goodbye || Tobi & Dahlia
Tobias could feel the nurses prying her warm body from his heavy arms. The hug disappeared, but he could still feel where she’d gripped onto him. He wasn’t sure what she was trying to say, exactly. What did she mean by don’t leave her? “You’ll be okay, Dahlia. Everything will be okay. They’ll make sure of it..” he paused for a second, letting them take her from him. He had no doubt in his mind that’d she be fine. She was probably better off without him anyways. In fact, he knew she would be, even if it wasn’t what she wanted. He just needed to explain everything. “I’ll come see you tomorrow if they’ll let me.. or whenever you’re feeling a little better.. I promise.” He spoke as they took her away from him, watching as her and the nurses faded off. Maybe then they could talk. Hopefully he could remember why he’d pushed her so far away after fighting so hard for her.
Dahlia nodded, if he said she was going to be okay, she was going to believe him even though she didn’t, because she really didn’t believe a word he said, and then again, she knew she shouldn’t, but she did, and she frowned because it was all too confusing for her, she was cold now that she was away from him, but their fingers wrapped around her arms, their arms wrapped around her waist, trying to help her, trying to take her away, were hurting her, she wanted to fight it, she wanted to pushed them away and she did, but not as hard as she would’ve wanted to. “I can walk!” she said and looked at him, she shook her head, he wasn’t allow to make any more promises. “Get off, let go of me!” she said pushing one of the nurses away from her, she was starting to panic “Tobi!” she said when they started taking her away, nothing else mattered to this Dahlia. Because she was free to do what she really wanted to do, what she really wanted to say, but she hated it, she hated being so free, she didn’t know exactly why she hated so much at that moment. “I want him to come with me, please… please! Where’s Lisa!? Where is she!? Where are the letters!? No, NO! The letters, please! The letters! She can’t see… Let go, LET ME GO” the screams lasted until she was out of the room and far away. Dahlia didn’t want Lisa to see any evidence of what she had done, she didn’t want her to know what she did, she didn’t want any of it.
Dahlia’s goodbye || Tobi & Dahlia
Tobias shut his eyes tighter, his body tensing up as she threw up the contents of her stomach. His palm rubbed her back, “It’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. I promise.” He pulled her further into his arms, which pained form all the IV’s and tests he had to have lately. It was a struggle to pick her up, but he managed, withstanding his own pain to try and save her. He had to save her. No matter if they were off or on, together or broken up, Dahlia was always going to be someone Tobias loved, even if he hadn’t shown his affection in the proper manner, his feelings for her would always run deep. After she was positioned good enough in his arms, he carried her out of the room, as fast as he could walk, which wasn’t fast at all with her limp body in his arms. “You’re going to be okay, Dahlia. Just stay with me.. Please..” By the time he made it with her to the nurses station, he could hardly see properly from the pain in his head, the florescent lights which lit the hospital only worsened him. “She n-needs help..” he spoke, his heart beating so hard and fast, scared out of his mind that she was going to go. that this time she’d succeed in killing herself. “She tried to kill herself. Swallowed something, I think.. bu-but.. s-she threw up.” His breath withered out with his words, staggering a bit.
She gasped for more air and sobbed, she was too weak, after everything that happened, she wrapped her arm around her stomach because it hurt, she felt so sick, her head pounding, her chest hurting. She had a hard time breathing while she cried, but it was alright, it was suddenly alright because she was being carried outside her room, all she could see was Tobi and the lights, it was so bright, she couldn’t hear anything, she was so tired… she needed to sleep, she needed a glass of water. She buried her face on Tobias and then she heard the last thing he said. “I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean to.” she said, she wans’t crying anymore, and she wans’t sad anymore, she was just gone, out of it, and she wrapped her arms around Tobi’s neck and moved her legs so he would let go and she hugged him tight because she knew they were gonna take her away, because that’s what they would do, so she held on to him and started crying again. “Don’t leave…” she said “I know that you’re done but please… please don’t leave me.” she said, and she felt the arms trying to pull her away from him and she cried like a little baby.
Dahlia’s goodbye || Tobi & Dahlia
Tobias watched her movements carefully, ignoring the words that weren’t at all an answer to any of his questions. She wasn’t at all acting herself, but it took him a moment to process what was going on. He was trying to panic, but his brain couldn’t move fast enough. The way her eyelids seemed to weigh tons, and that she couldn’t get out full sentences were clear signs of what she had done. Figuring it would be too late by the time he told a nurse, he had to do something himself. “Okay, shit. Dahlia, just… keep your eyes open, okay? Try for me.” Tobias climbed up on the bed behind her and tapped her cheek with his palm to try and wake her more. It was hard for him to keep the anger out of his tone, but he seemed to be doing a good job of it. He’d been so angry and careless lately. But now, he was scared. Scared of losing her more than he already had. He shifted his arms around her, and pulled her thin, weak frame into his lap and in as much of an upright sitting position as he could manage. Tobi pressed his chest to her back and spoke. “I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry, Dahlia.. but I-I can’t… I can’t let you do this. I’m s-sorry.. I have to…” His voice trembled slightly as he wrapped his right arm around her, taking two fingers and forcing them into her mouth. His eyes squinted shut hard as his fingers hit the back of her throat. He felt the gagging reflex, and retracted his fingers that were coated in her saliva, waiting for whatever she had swallowed to come back up.
She opened her eyes when he hit her, barely feeling his palm on her cheek, but it was enough for her to think she was stupid, that she deserved it. It was difficult for her to know what was happening, because she wanted to run away and at the same time, she wanted to fight it and stay, to pretend there was nothing wrong with her. She tried to fight it, but it was too much. He was touching her, he was there with her, holding her and she cried because this was the best way to go for her, but she couldn’t let that happen to him again, she shook her head “Don’t…” she wanted to tell him to leave, to walk away, she was scared to go now, she didn’t want to die, she just wanted to rest, she wanted it to be over, she wanted all the pain to be gone, she wanted the next life now. This wans’t suppose to go this way, she thought, she knew this was not going to happen now. “The letter…” she mumbled complaining, her head went back and her hands tried to grasp his shirt and shook her head again to try and push him away but his arms were around her and she cried again, she stopped fighting because her arms were really weak. “No, please… don’t do this, let me go… don’t” she closed her eyes “Don’t let me go…” she said quietly, she was so tired, but she sobbed when she saw the determination and the fear in his eyes until she felt a pair of fingers going down her throat, hurting her and making her gag and gasp for air. She started throwing up, everything she took, making her cry even more, the taste was awful, but at last it was all gone, she spat on the floor and with the back of her hand she brushed the remains on her lips. She whimpered and started crying again. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” she said, but she wans’t sorry, not for what she tried to do. She was sorry because she was still there, because he had to do this, because he had to saved her. She couldn’t even talk, she was still very out of it, even though the pills were out of her system, some of them were on her blood, and making her dizzy and almost unconscious, she needed a doctor.
Dahlia’s goodbye || Tobi & Dahlia
Tobias sat quietly on his bed, outside of his door he could hear the faint sound of footsteps and the ruffling of a paper. The footsteps were ones that sounded all too familiar to him, but he couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. The glimpse of the paper being slotted beneath his door caught his eye and immediately he stood up from the bed to grab it. His head throbbed hard as he stood up and made his way over to the door, as it had been when he’d do something too fast. He picked up the note and his eyes scanned across the lengthy page. The words blurred underneath his vision, and his eyes struggled to focus, but he eventually got the message.
The letter dropped from his hand, spiralling down on light air to the floor as he read the last of it. Panic began to ensue. This was his fault. He hadn’t even remembered breaking up with her, not really, and now this was his fault. His hand fumbled nervously trying to grasp for the door and pulling open as fast as he could. The boy’s head pounded harder and his pulse quickened as he walked as fast as his feet could carry him to her room. He needed to get there before it was too late, fix what he had broken and if he couldn’t fix it, at least he could save her, or he could try.
Tobias finally got to her room, his breath and whole body was shaky. Without any second thoughts or hesitation, he pushed the door open and stumbled into her room. His eyes flashed over to her bed where she lay. There was no blood on her as far as he could see. And she still looked to be breathing. “Dahlia? What happened? What did you do?” his mouth moved a thousand miles as he approached her laying on the bed. “Dahlia..” he repeated again. One hand found her body as his chest heaved with nervousness; scared that it was already too late.
Her limps started to go numb, slowly going where she wanted them, falling asleep as she closed her eyes and hold on tight to her pillow while she waited for the pills to help her sleep… forever at last. She brushed her face, snuggling the pillow as she complained because she felt a little sick, but she decided to ignore it.
And then she heard it. She was dreaming already, she was underwater, the sound just pounding like waves against her. The familiar voice, it had to be a dream, she couldn’t open her eyes, she didn’t want to. But she felt it, his hand on her body, it all felt so real, it had to be a dream, she shook her head, and trying to speak, she failed. She swallowed again and tried to breathe normally, the taste was awful and it was clear to her that it wasn’t a dream, it couldn’t be because when she opened her eyes, she was still there, where she laid down, she opened her eyes, everything moving slowly, and then Tobi was there. She frowned. “No…” she complained and looked away. This could not be happening, he couldn’t see what she was doing, this wasn’t how it was suppose to happen, she couldn’t let him watch her die. “No… no… Tobi? Tobi what are you doing here?” she said as she tried to get up but the pills started to do their work and her head went heavy, making her eyelids heavier too. She tried to propped herself on the bed, it was hard but she did it. The tears found their escape again, and they rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head and looked at him, her eyes looked lost, while they searched for his and her hand found his hand. “You-… you have to go. You can’t be here… if they catch you-… they’ll- they will…” she tried to tell him to go away, but they pills were starting to make her sick. She swallowed again and looked at him, trying to pretend she was okay, opening her eyes as much as she could which wasn’t much at all and keeping them focused on his, but he kept moving and going blurry and then moving again.